two weeks out

I'm two weeks out from my first carpal tunnel/median nerve release surgery.

I am so sick of the bandages already I could scream. The skin underneath is dry and itchy and I don't like dry and itchy. I want to rip the blasted thing off and take a shower, except I don't have more of the cotton cast wrap so I can't. The 4x4 underneath the cast wrap is rough at the edges so it makes me itch and the skin is irritated there.

Can you tell it's a whiny kind of day?

At least I've been doing good with the extra pain meds. Total, for the two weeks, I've taken 37 Lortab. I've not had to take more than 1 at a time since 6 days after the surgery. I think that's pretty darn good.

I'm driving again, albeit carefully and slowly.

They're giving me two months' worth of Methadone prescriptions now. I take them both to the pharmacy and they fill one, then I call when I need the other one filled. Schedule two drugs have to be done this way.
I saw the nurse practitioner Wednesday. She's nice.

The ringing in my ears is bugging me more now than anything else. It just never, ever stops. I'd like to disconnect my hearing sometimes, when the ringing gets so loud that it's all I can hear or think about. It interferes with my hearing, with things I can watch or not watch on TV, and all kinds of other fun stuff. I'd really like to have the ringing not be so loud, but I am so over having to take drugs I'm not willing to go and have them give me something else to pop during the day.

I'm not sleeping well. This morning I did something unheard of and, after oversleeping and not getting up for my 6am pill, I stumbled out at 8am, fed the chickens, came back in, forgot the pill again, and sat down in the recliner; there, I passed out until noon. I'm definitely sleep-deprived. I seriously think I could sleep for a week, only waking up to take drugs, drink something, and go pee. However, there are chores to do and kids to see and all that other jazz, so it's not happening. No way.

Enough is enough already. I don't know why I've been handed this pile of stuff. Apparently God has a lot of confidence in me. I guess I'd better stop thinking I'm so weak.

status quo

I did finally make the appointment with my PCP. I see her for my Well Woman physical next Thursday. I'm frustrated because of the weight I've put back on though I know a lot of it is either the disability preventing me from exercising or the meds which actually have weight gain listed as a side effect...still, I'm upset about it. I guess I need to get over it.

I got a piece of paper yesterday from the insurance company - a release authorizing my pain doc to participate in the appeal for the Provigil on my behalf. This is gonna take half of forever. Anyhow, I filled it out and sent it back. We'll see what happens. I figure I don't have anything to lose. I don't have it now and if they don't authorize it I still won't have it...all I can do is gain.

My laptop is helping me out a lot because now I can check my email and such without ending up with mammoth-sized feet from the swelling. It's funny how the Methadone causes that. It's not something I would have even thought of with a pain med. The trade-off is worth it, though. I'd rather have fat feet than be in more pain.

When I think of where I was 3 1/2 years ago and where I am now it's staggering. My life has changed so much...there is so much I can't do that I used to take for granted...things that never meant much are so precious to me now. I cherish every good minute now because I don't know when the pain of a migraine or exacerbation will happen.

I treasure my blessings even in the middle of the pain.