Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Update 2851 and counting

So, all the teeth are gone. As of yesterday I have my dentures fully relined and they are in my permanent (I hope!) possession. I'm sure they'll need some readjustment but hey - at least that nasty functional reliner is gone. I thought that thing would be the death of me. 

I'm still hanging in there, but this past week or so I've been on a sleeping pattern. I guess you can only go without sleep for so long before your body demands you get some.  With the apnea and the pain I don't sleep well at all, and every so often I go through a period where it seems I'm eternally tired, often on the verge of narcolepsy, and I doze off every time I sit still. I'm serious....I've fallen asleep while at the sewing machine, come close to dozing while driving, and even fallen asleep on the toilet or while doing the dishes. It's scary sometimes. I'm hoping now that we have the denture issue solved I can go back to the other dentist at the office and check into getting an oral appliance for my sleep apnea. I can't wear a mask of any kind since the facial pain precludes any pressure on the right side of my face and often the back of my head as well, but I did speak with the other dentist in the practice and she, as a sleep apnea specialist, showed me an older oral appliance that might work for me. The thing is we have to save up the money for it first since my dentures drained our FSA as well as using up our $1800 yearly limit on dental procedures. So I'll wait, and save, and hopefully soon we can get this taken care of too.

I'm trying to lose weight, I really am....but I'm such an emotional eater that any kind of stress sets me off and man, has our life been full of stress!
Son's girlfriend just up and quit her job, after he got fired, and left him as the only person supporting the family. He washes windows and barely makes enough to pay the rent and sometimes the electric bill. It's crazy. I don't know what she was thinking. Maybe she needs to see a shrink and get on disability. She certainly doesn't do well with people. Her job was fine; she just got mad because she wasn't promoted fast enough. Goodness!!!! Then there's the fact that JR's license was suspended so now he can't drive - not that they have a car anyhow - so he rides his borrowed bike to his window washing jobs or now, he rides with his new business partner -- so he's splitting the bit he makes with someone else. I don't get it. I just don't get it. She did finally get off her butt and apply for food stamps, but she missed the appointment so I don't know what's going on with that. I know when I saw the fridge last night it was close to empty. It makes me ANGRY that they are letting their kids go without because she's got personality issues.
Oldest daughter Abby is now pregnant with #5. She's working part time in a frozen yogurt shop because Applebee's wouldn't give her the hours she needed, and she was getting doubles, which isn't good when you're pregnant; she took a medical leave from there till after the baby comes, and she's now talking about not going back at all. Finally, they got food stamps. At least now I know the kids can eat. They home school the boys, and her husband has seizure disorder so he's on disability...that family is so special to me...just like JR's. All my kids are precious to me.
Then there's Becky, who still won't talk to me or allow me to see their 4 children. It breaks my heart, and even more because they live on the property adjoining ours. I don't know how I do it every day. I guess I just trust God to get me through. There's no other option, is there? I'd be going crazy otherwise. I can't see how she can be so vengeful and bitter....I pray for her daily, and I pray that she comes to her senses before it's too late.
So that's part of why I'm a bit stressed.

Then there's the fact that we'd like to sell so hubby can retire and we can move but he wants more for the place than it's going to sell for. He's not being realistic. He needs to come down several thousand dollars on the price or I'll still be here when he dies. I get frustrated at times with that situation too. I love him but he seems to think that in this economy we're gonna get tons of bites on a single wide mobile home, which you can't get a mortgage for, and people want houses or mobile homes on a foundation, which ours doesn't have. We need to come down by, actually, about 20K to have a chance to sell, even on such a pretty piece of land and all. The neighbors - yes, I mean my daughter and her in-laws - are slobs, and there's junk all over the place on the property, and it's an eyesore. However, we live in the county, and there aren't many rules as long as it's not a health hazard and there aren't more than a certain number of un-licensed vehicles in the mix. So......that adds to the difficulty selling. I almost wish we could sell it now when the grass is green and stuff - their property looks better now than in the winter.

I'm still on the Methadone and this spring and early summer with the teeth and all I've been taking more of the Maxalt than I have in a while. Thank goodness for generics! It's finally available in generic, which I can get for just over 10% of my copay for the brand name pills. Talk about a difference! The brand names were costing about $135 for 12 pills and I get the generics for $16. Same med - just not brand name. Usually the prices are higher for generics than this one came out at but I think the company knew lots of folks couldn't afford the retail price of the brand name....that, or they got so rich from the brand name they didn't need to leave the price so high. I don't know exactly, but I'm thrilled.

This coming month makes 8 years of being in pain every minute of every day. Wow; it's been that long? It seems like yesterday I was working as a nurse and loving it....and then other times I can't remember what it felt like not to hurt. What did it feel like not to hear ringing in my ears? What did it feel like not to be blinded by normal sunshine? When was I able to open the curtains in the house all the way? I don't remember sleeping for more than a few (4 at the most) hours since I got sick, either. That's hard on a body. Without my faith I'd be mean, grumpy, bitter, or dead. It's only because of God that I keep going, keep hoping, keep wishing for release from this mess in my head/face/nerves....

Yep. That's about it for today.