Monday, December 25, 2006

445 days

That's a long time for a headache.

Today it's bad. It's been at around a 5-6 most of the day in spite of the Methadone and some generic extra strength tylenol stuff.

I'd like to just curl up in a ball and wish the world away, but it continues to spin and things keep going on even though I'd rather they didn't.

I guess you can't have everything.

We did Christmas last night so today is a quiet day here, which is good.

I hope things get better instead of continuing to head downhill. This is no fun.

Friday, December 22, 2006


I counted my Methadone tonight and I have enough to make it till the 4th.

My appointment with the pain doc is on the 5th.

His office is 50 miles away.

They can't call in refills on Schedule II narcotics.

I guess on the day after Christmas I'll be calling to see if they can get me in on the 2nd instead of the 5th since he's only at that office 2 days a week.

Great that I discovered it this early...

At least if I run out I have Vicodin left and I'll take it if I have to.

I am not, however, going 100 miles to pick up a prescription for meds that I have 2 too few doses for.

Maybe I'll just go in all my pained glory since hubby's going with me and he can see what happens when he doesn't count things right.

I dunno...

It's almost Christmas. It seems weird.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

bad day

My emotions are running all over creation.

I can't sleep, and when I do, I don't rest.

I'm jittery and twitchy.

I spent some time this afternoon crying after my son kissed me goodbye on his way out after visiting me. I don't know why, and I don't know how it triggered.

I'm stopping the Prozac. I'll see if that helps.

Tonight I'll take a Xanax so I can at least sleep. I have to. I need to rest.

I'm exhausted.

I'd like the people who say I can still work with this disease to be where I am, right now, feeling what I'm feeling, and then decide if it's true or not.

It stinks.

Monday, December 11, 2006

430 days and counting

Things have pretty much settled into a routine. I'm still on the Methadone every 8 hours. They did try me on 60 mg of Prozac but I was getting some really weird side effects at that dose so I went back down to 40 mg and it seems to work better.

I still have the ringing in my ears 24/7, the sensitivity to light and sound, and for some reason now when I blow my nose I get lightheaded.

It's been over a year now since I've worked. I've almost forgotten what it was like to get up and have somewhere to go.

I was able to tolerate daughter and her family coming over for Thanksgiving dinner. They were only here for a couple hours but it was nice all the same. We're going to try again at Christmas and see how it goes, depending, of course, on how I'm feeling.

I haven't heard about a hearing yet. I'm not holding my breath. I know this could take a long time. There's not much else I can do but wait. I certainly can't work...