2 days with little sleep

I've had maybe 3 hours of sleep in the last two days.

This is very frustrating.

I need rest but I can't sleep. I hurt.

I hate this...and I wish I had enough pain medication that I could relax enough to get a good night's rest but I don't know if that will ever happen.

How some doctors treat chronic pain patients with invisible disabilities is a disgrace. We can put men on the moon and build hybrid cars and go live on a space station but people in pain are denied adequate relief because of an archaic view that perpetuates the fear of addiction in people who are far more concerned with being able to live a halfway decent life than they are in how people look at them. I'd just like to have the opportunity to cook a meal for my family without having to stop for rest periods and try not to leave myself so worn out that the pain will drive me to the bedroom later in the day.

Something's wrong here.

day 780

I'm supposed to go see the new doc today.

I woke up from my nap with a migraine.

I have to take my Maxalt and then when the office opens I need to call and reschedule.

This sucks. And it makes a bad impression on the doc when I have to reschedule my first appointment.

Not to mention I was hoping to fire the jerk pain doc after seeing this one today...

Ah well, such is life.

Gonna go lie down and hope the med helps.

day 775

I feel nasty. I've got some kind of sinus junk going on. My eyes ache. When I close them to help the aching I fall asleep. Consequently, I've been doing way too much sleeping lately.

I'm also nervous about the new doc. I am holding out hope that he will treat me as a person in pain instead of a nut case engaging in drug seeking. I just want to be seen as an individual instead of a diagnosis.

I'm PMS-cranky. That doesn't help things, either.

Oh well...at least I'm still here. I'm not about to give up.

day 767 late

I see the shrink tomorrow.

In two weeks I see the new pain doc.

I am hoping he can take over for the old one before I get dumped. I really don't want to get dumped and be stuck with no pain meds. That could be a horrid mess.

I'm stressing over it all but have managed not to pick hardly at all today. I'm not sure I can explain that but I'll take what I can get.

The clinic in Springfield called and they don't do pain management. How how do you treat headaches without pain management? I can get a neurologist here...and a psychiatrist...and a crappy pain doc...why fly to Springfield to get those and no pain doc on top of it all?

Guess I keep looking.

Yuck.