Monday, April 10, 2006

dwelling in semi-darkness

Today is not a good day. I have several things I need to do and I don't feel like doing any of them. I have already put the dishes in the dishwasher and am running a load of laundry. I need to stop by the library on the way to my daughter's house this afternoon to pick up another tax form. I need to stop at the grocery store. I need to weed, and transplant, and clear out garden beds...

And instead, I'm sitting inside in the semi-darkness. I have two blinds raised for the cats, bless their hearts, but the light is half-killing me today. I can't stand it. I'd like to take some drugs and go to sleep but I need to watch the boys this afternoon.

I have to call and cancel my appointment at the pain clinic. If they want to see me like the headache guy did I can't do it. We simply don't have the money. I can't be driving into St. Louis every week...that's over a quarter tank of gas every trip and living on one income makes that next to impossible.

I am so sick of this...and there are days, like today, when living out where we live complicates things tremendously. I can't see going to see a doc, and a shrink, and maybe going for therapy of some other kind, like biofeedback, when we can barely afford to pay what bills we have. The gas alone will kill me, not to mention the fact that the A/C in both cars is on the blink at the moment. Things need to be a bit more stable financially before I head in that direction again.

I wonder sometimes why hubby keeps me around. I feel like a burden lately.

Yeah, I know...I'm depressed.

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