Saturday, July 03, 2010

not so bad....

I get horribly introspective now and then, and my last post was reflective of that.  It's rough, but I managed to pull myself up and remind myself how blessed I really am.  Once in a while, though, it's good to be brutally honest even if it hurts.  It's far better than hiding it way back inside somewhere and letting it fester.  It is part of my mental health status that this happens, and I have learned that denying it doesn't change its existence.  Many people are taken aback or shocked when they see that I can get that way.  I live with it; it doesn't surprise me any more.

I was scheduled for a sleep study last night.  Apparently they use some nasty scented dryer sheets on the bed linens and after about half an hour in the room, waiting on the nurse to come and hook me up to the plethora of wires that are required for such a techno-savvy test, I was about to wilt into a puddle of upchuck.  I turned everything off and left the room.  As I made my way down the hallway she came up and asked if I was okay.  I explained what was going on and we agreed my only alternative was to leave.  We had already been questioning the wisdom of sticking so many patches to someone allergic to adhesive and latex and everything else I don't tolerate.  I guess it was decided for us, no?

I've managed to stay eating very well since I got sick last weekend.  I believe I've lost an inch off my waist already.  I feel looser in my clothes, if that makes sense.  It's a nice feeling not to have the fabrics snug on your body, but instead to have to reach down and tug up a skirt or a pair of pettipants once in a while.  I'm certainly not going to complain.  I can always make more if I need to.

I'm sticking with several small meals, very little bread or other carbs from processed grain, and more protein and fresh stuff.  I've had cantaloupe, strawberries, yogurt, mesquite turkey breast, cheese, some whole grain crackers, nuts (mostly raw ones, thank you Target), and jello.  Last night we had some of the Breyer's low carb ice cream bars with almond pieces in the chocolate.....oh, they sure don't taste low carb, but they are pretty much the only chocolate I can eat without paying for it later.  I have cut my diet soda intake in half by making sure that every other thing I drink is either sugar free koolaid, gatorade if I'm feeling like I need to replace electrolytes, or the like. 

God is good.  He is with me and He holds me up when I falter, patiently loving me back to sensibility.  And because of that, I am blessed.

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