day 480

0720 - Heck of a migraine. Took a DHE.

I go see the shrink on Wednesday.

The visit with the pain doc went well. He was in a good mood. I don't go back for 2 months now.
I need to call, though, because he only gave me enough Methadone for 30 days.

It's hard to believe I've been in constant pain this long. How do people live with pain for 20 years?

Maybe I'll find out.

day 472 - been sick

I've been sick for 2 weeks now. Nausea, no hunger, just feeling yuck. I can't eat much and I mean it. Chicken noodle soup, saltines, ritz crackers, herbal tea...that's about it. Everything else just makes the nausea worse.

I'm losing weight, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but this isn't the way I'd choose to do it. I'm going to see if I can get in to see my doc tomorrow. If not, I'll probably go to urgent care.

I have an appointment with the pain doc Friday, and then the next Friday I see the psychiatrist.

Other than that things are pretty much as they have been. It stinks. Haven't heard thing 1 about the disability appeal process. It's been almost a year. Thank goodness hubby has a good job or I'd be homeless.

day 455

I guess I'll be adding Prozac to my list of bad drugs.

After taking it for 20 years, it's finally decided it doesn't like me.

When the pain doctor increased the dosage to 40 mg daily, it was okay. When he bumped it up to 60 mg, things started happening. I remember my sister having these things happening to her - agitation, palpitations, insomnia - none of them very nice. I took myself totally off the Prozac at that point and stayed off it for almost a month.

A few days ago I started it again at the 40 mg dose.

WIthin 3 days I was agitated almost to the point of mania, had bad insomnia, was experiencing mild palpitations, and by yesterday I was shaking so badly that I couldn't push the numbers on the phone.

Needless to say, I've stopped taking it again.

For good.

It is a pity because it did help the pain, but there's nothing I can do about that. When the side effects are more influential than the assistance, it's not worth the bother.

Today I will resume my search for a counselor or psychiatrist. Our insurance isn't very good about this kind of stuff. They have a nice deductible and then they only cover 90% up to $2000; then you're on your own. I'm looking for one that will work with me on a sliding scale basis once the insurance tops out. It may take a while.

Other than that, things are pretty much status quo. I hope they stay that way if they're not going to get better.

New year, same hopes - day 452

I'm up early; it's just about 5 am. I've been awake for a while now.

I think I'm taking a little time to adjust to the higher dose of Methadone. I generally get a bit odd when he increases it. Besides, my self-imposed break from Prozac (one month) is over and I'm back on that now, too, so it may have something to do with it.

So now I'm up to 5 mg of Methadone twice a day and 40 mg of Prozac. I may have to change the time on that because I'm not sure if it's interfering with my sleep or not.

Starting tomorrow I'll be looking for a psychiatrist. My pain doc recommended I see one because of the psychology that accompanies chronic pain and the fact that it's becoming physically evident on my body with signs of possible OCD as well as depression and stress. Hey, if that's what he thinks I need, I'll do it. I knew it was coming anyhow.

I'm hoping maybe this year my disability will come through and we can breathe again. In the meantime, I'll do what I can and not do what I can't.