day 602

I see the psychiatrist tomorrow. I'm hoping he'll increase my Lexapro so when I see the pain doc in a couple weeks I can tell him it's been done and he'll be happy.

I know the pain doc is going to have a fit that I haven't done the physical therapy but we just haven't had the money to do it for the 4 weeks he wanted it done for. I don't know what to tell him other than we can't afford that much right now. I was thinking it was going to be like 3 visits, not 12...and that's $180 we don't have to spare at this point in time.

I am getting my exercise most days, just not walking like he wanted me to. I care for the chicks, and garden, and stuff like that. I'm out there almost an hour most days and some days it's more than that.

I printed out an information sheet for Norbert on borderline personality disorder yesterday so he can understand about the picking thing. It's hard to explain to people that I can't just stop picking at the sores. It's a compulsion. It's something I find myself doing without thinking. Between the OCD and the borderline, I'm actually almost surprised it's not more than just picking. The sores are getting better though...it's just taking time. The more time I spend outside and doing stuff, the better it gets. They used to heal a lot faster when I was working but I'm not doing that any more so I pick more.

I dunno...it's frustrating for me, too. I don't like how it looks. I'd like to just say I'm gonna stop and have that be that, but it doesn't work that way. Maybe the increased Lexapro dose will help.

I'm trying not to sleep so much, but when I do more, it makes me tired, and I even fall asleep sitting up. The pain doc wants me to get up and do stuff when I feel like that, but between the insomnia and the meds sometimes I just can't control it.

I'm waiting to hear from the Social Security people...that might take till mid-July. I'm just hoping it's good news. I hate the thought of having to fight again to get the disability. We need the money. Where we sit now, if something goes wrong and it is going to cost more than a couple hundred bucks, we're screwed. That worries me.

Oh well...