day 811

Okay, so I ended up cancelling again. My head was pounding. I'm going to check out the new doc here who is replacing my old cranky one and if it's not going to work out with her I'll make the appointment with the other guy.

I've been kinda between depressed and feeling driven to do and be and all that junk because of the season and because of the new baby. I'd like to just crash for about a month but it's not going to happen.

Realizing the extent of my borderline personality disorder has been a bit tough on me but at least I see it for what it is and I'm trying to work with it and keep my life somewhat consistent instead of flopping all over the place.

I don't really feel like writing either here or in any one of my other blogs. I'm really lacking that kind of motivation right now. Maybe it's the SADD kicking in again. Then again, maybe not.

I wonder sometimes how I manage to function like I do considering all the crap that I went through as a kid. It's hard to remember a lot of it - I've blocked years and years of my life as part of that psychological protective mechanism process. It's frustrating, though, to think that there are periods of time where I was here, and alive, and being who I am, and I can't recall that time. It must have either been bad, or it would have triggered memories I couldn't handle, so my mind just put them in a box, taped it shut, and stored it on a shelf way, way back in the closet in the corner of my brain.

I know it's for the best, but for how long?