silence

I'm sure everyone has moments like these, where they'd just like to go hide in a dark place somewhere and never come out again. I'm frustrated and hurting and I'm tired of fighting to stay rational and calm. I want to cry and scream and pound my fist into something and to yell out that it isn't fair. I know life isn't fair. I know we all have our struggles. But tonight, just for a few minutes, I'd like to not have to be so positive and strong. I'd like to just fall apart and be weak for a minute or three.

I know the feeling will go away. I just had to put it into words. It's part of the process, of the chronic pain, of the headaches that never end. It's part of the medicine and side effects and the bad taste in my mouth and the tiredness and my intolerance of normal things. It's part of the not being able to work and the lack of finances and the worrying about paying the bills and how long will it take to get disability?

I need sleep.