the pain still sucks

I've been on the increased Lexapro and Xanax for a week and a half now. There's not really much of a change unless you count my inability to stay awake for more than 4 hours at a time. In fact, yesterday I was awake for less than 5 hours. I stayed in the recliner almost all day long. I did get up to care for the chickens, because they depend on me; I went to the bathroom several times because I ate something that didn't agree with me and had dumping syndrome; and that was about it.

My pain is still clear and still at a 7 to 8 most times. It doesn't wake me up, but it's always there when I do get out of bed or the chair for any reason. I think after a while the body just has to rest no matter how bad the head hurts and sleep just comes on.

I go to the pain doc on Friday. I'm hoping he'll give me an increase in the Methadone. I'm not holding my breath but I certainly hope he doesn't expect me to live like this. I have the names and numbers of a couple other doctors a bit further out and if he won't help me I may have to seek a different provider, though the thought of having to start this all over makes me anxious.

Later today we go to the Social Security office to find out what the issue is with my ability or disability to handle my benefits. I thought I was supposed to be getting better, according to my grant letter...now they say they're concerned about my ability to handle my own money? If they want me to play stupid, I will. I can do that if I need to in order to keep getting those checks. I don't like it, but whatever they want me to do, I'll do.

I'm going to ask about my back pay, too. It's been 3 months since I got the award letter and I haven't heard anything about the more than 16 grand I have coming in back pay. We need that money to do some repairs here and pay off a few bills. I'd like to see it before the end of the year. Then, I have to file an amended tax return for last year so we don't have to pay taxes on everything I get in one year, since technically half of it is for last year. One day we'll get the tax thing straightened out. At least the taxes we owed from 2005 are paid in full now and that's not hanging over our heads.

I've started my pain article. I really need to work on it but I need to get the pain in my head under a little more control first.