Saturday, June 17, 2006


I hate this disease, and I hate what the medicine that is supposed to help it does to me.

I had to go to WalMart and get a few things today. By the time I got home my head was giving me fits and I was so dizzy hubby had to help me into the house. I was also nauseated to the point of feeling like I was going to throw up, and I rarely get nauseated. I know it's from the Doxepin but I'm on the lowest dose they can give me so I hope it goes away. I'm reluctant to drive now because my perception is skewed, too.

My sleeping pattern is all off. I slept most of the day away yesterday and then last night I may have slept for 2 hours. I napped some this morning. I feel all upside-down. My life is discombobulated.

I missed the birthday party for Kenny and Jimmy today. I'm glad I didn't go, though, because the distance I would have had to drive from there to here is just too far with how I was feeling. It wouldn't have been safe.

I took a Vicodin and 1/2 a Xanax. I hope they help.

I'd like to go to church but the lights, sound, and smells would do me in, so instead I stay here at home in the semi-darkness and try not to aggravate whatever it is in my brain that's making this stupid headache stuff act up. As long as I'm here, I'm fine; it's when I go out and about that things get out of control. I'd hate to end up housebound. I'm so used to doing what I want when I want to do it - this is really frustrating me to have to schedule my life around doctor's appointments, drugs, and how bright it is outside as well as how noisy it's going to be wherever I want to go.

This isn't part of my plan for my late 40's. I don't like it.

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