day 511 - meltdown

This has been a bad morning.

I guess all the crap of the last 511 days has gotten to me and what the neurologist said hit me pretty hard, him blowing me off because I now have a psych diagnosis in addition to the neurology one, and telling me he thinks if they get my "anxiety" under control I can go back to work.

I snapped at my hubby and I ended up crying like a baby. I was just blubbering at one point. I told him I was scared he was going to tell me I had to leave, that this was too much for him. I told him I was scared he was going to go to bed one night and not wake up. I told him I was sick of being sick and feeling useless.

God bless that man...he looked at me, made me look at him, and I'm all teary and snotty and blubbery, and he told me that when he made that promise in sickness and health for better or worse till death do us part...he meant it. No going back.

And he called in to work and sat with me till I fell asleep so that I wouldn't be alone.

Now my head hurts from the crying and all the snot that builds up in my head when I do that.

What a mess I am. What a big old mess.

Being sick sucks. Being chronically ill sucks worse. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Nobody.