Wednesday, March 28, 2007

day 538

Hubby and I refuse to become part of the growing number of couples with "his" and "her" bedrooms. We choose instead to tolerate snoring, twitching, cover-hogging, and any number of other habits in order to share this time together - not to mention body heat in the winter.

However, on nights like this where either the effects of medication or discomfort keep me awake, I seek refuge here in the living room so that he can get his much-needed sleep and I don't lie in bed tossing and turning, concerned I will wake him up and keep him awake. At least one of us should get some sleep during the nighttime hours.

Tonight it is medication-induced insomnia. I'd rather have that, given the choice, than pain-driven inability to sleep. This is a small price to pay for the lessening of the nerve pain on the right side of my head. After the agony of the past several weeks it is almost a relief to be back to the old familiar pain.

I am almost reluctant to increase the Lexapro in 2 more days given the amount of pain reduction the smaller dose has provided. I've experienced almost no negative side effects, and the ones I have had are far more tolerable than I'd expected. Given my ted ency for obnoxious and paradoxical reactions I was hesitant to try this drug, anticipating bad things to happen. It's been a blessing that I was wrong.

It's been a tough year and a half. I'm hoping we're on our way out of the tunnel now. The ALJ hearing is in a week and maybe I'll get some good news from that. I really don't want to have to get a lawyer and all that...we could use the money ourselves. However, if I am denied, I will get a lawyer and I will fight. The simple fact of the matter is that I cannot work. I can't concentrate long enough to be productive, my brain hurts, my behavior is constantly getting me in trouble, and I sleep half my day away to escape the pain I live in. Maybe I can get through to them face to face. I hope so.

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