day 533

I was sitting in the doc's waiting room this morning. The TV was up loud. The door was loud. People were loud. The feeling on the right side of my head - kinda like someone had peeled off my scalp and left a big raw nerve just sitting there exposed to the stimulus - got overwhelming and I started to cry. I was trying not to. It's humiliating to do that in public.

I had my sunglasses on as usual. They took me in the exam room and I was still crying. My BP was 154/92. My pulse was 126. They turned the light off like I asked and left the door cracked.

The doc - man, I don't know what came over him, but he has NEVER been so nice to me. He lowered his voice, he left the light off...we talked about how I'm feeling and how frustrated I am at the pain and my ignorant neurologist and that he said if I got more drugs things would be fine - he wasn't very happy about that at all...and he said that since I'm off the antidepressants totally now and the pain is so much worse obviously the SSRI was doing something to help desensitize the nerves on that side of my face as well as helping with depression. He started me on 10 mg of Lexapro and wants me to cut it in half if it's too much - this to get me through till I see the psychiatrist in 2 weeks. He wanted to know why I hadn't been back to the psychiatrist since the Celexa was so bad and I told him hubby has to take me everywhere and I can't have him taking a day off every week to drag me to yet another appointment. He needs his job if we are to eat. It's just that way. He told me that if they can't work with the nerves that 100 mg of Methadone a day won't help. I told him I'll do what he asks me to. I'm trying my hardest...and I think him seeing me like that today, while not so easy on me, was good for him. It showed him I'm not just putting on a show.

Hubby brought me home so I could get back into the quiet and darkness that makes it easier on me. He is on his way to WalMart now to get my prescriptions filled. I don't know what I'd do without him.

So basically the Methadone stays the same, the acetaminophen 1000 mg every 6 hours stays the same, and we see what the Lexapro does. I just hope it helps. I am so tired of this...

I'm gonna go rest now. Doctor days always take a lot out of me.