Sunday, April 15, 2007

day 556

I'm up again.

I think the Maxalt I had to take at 11 for my migraine interfered with the Xanax I take to help me sleep.

While I was up I figured I might as well use up the brown bananas so I made hubby some banana muffins for breakfast. He's doing overtime again today for double pay.

I hate that he has to work so much but with only one income and the bills that have to be paid he feels like he needs to do all he can when they offer it to him. This week's paycheck was pretty skimpy due to the holiday and no Saturday overtime the day before Easter so we're counting our pennies. Living paycheck to paycheck is bad enough but trying to come out of the grocery store having spent less than 2/3 of what we usually do is hard all around. There are things I like to have here for him - and for me - that just didn't happen this week.

I should hopefully find out soon if I was approved for disability. That money would help us a lot. We could get ahead a bit on the mortgage so once he retires we won't have that payment to worry about. Since I know we can live on what he makes, I can put most of my check on the principal and bring it down a lot faster than making the minimum payments does. Most of that is still interest. Every extra dollar taken off the principal lowers the interest payment and shortens the life of the loan. If we're wise I can pay it off by the time he's 70, at least...and he probably won't retire till then anyhow. Maybe I can do it sooner than that. It all depends on what happens in the meantime, like car repairs, house repairs, and maintenance bills. Owning a place, even a mobile home, can be expensive.

While hubby's at work today I'll probably be catching up on my sleep. The insomnia and consequent daytime sleep is frustrating because it gets me all upside down on my hours. However, it is a small price to pay for the nerve pain relief I get from the Lexapro.

I'm hoping to order a couple books on borderline personality disorder to read and study and hopefully learn from. One is a workbook on what is called cognitive behavioral therapy - it helps you learn how to change how you see things that threaten you and put you in a bad place mentally, and by that you can change your reactions to them. There are no support groups out here and no therapists in a reasonable driving distance that have experience with BPD so I guess the best thing to do is go it on my own and get what feedback I can from my psychiatrist. Thankfully I'm motivated to do something about it. I can't just sit here and do nothing. It's not in me to be that way.

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