Thursday, July 27, 2006


6 hours seems to be the longest amount of time I can go without pain medicine now. The pain will wake me up if I'm asleep. It's 3:45am and I'm wide awake, head pulsating, pulse and breathing rapid. I took 1/2 a Vicodin and I'm hoping it kicks in soon.

It's days like this when I wonder if I will go through this for the rest of my life, counting the hours between pain pills and trying to make it on the least possible dosage I can. Sometimes I'd just like to take enough not to hurt, but I'm afraid; afraid of becoming an addict, afraid of being stupid, afraid of hurting myself or someone else - not intentionally, but because of the effects the drugs may have on my system.

I'm hoping maybe the people at the Barnes clinic can help shed some insight and give me some ideas on how to better cope with this mess.

Hopefully I can get a little more sleep once the meds kick in. I need to go grocery shopping today.

No comments: