changes

I used to count my time by looking at the days I worked, or when I was off.
Now I count the hours between pain medications.

I used to run through the house opening blinds and pulling back curtains to let the sunlight in.
Now I keep them drawn and the house knows more darkness than light.

I used to yearn for the company of others and enjoyed a good noisy church service with loud praise and worship.
Now I turn on the captioning on the TV so I can see the words I can no longer stand to have loud enough to hear.

I used to love working in my garden or mowing the lawn for hours on end.
Now I stay indoors or put on sunglasses and a hat to keep the light from my eyes.

I used to hit the malls and stores on a frequent and regular basis.
Now I try to limit my trips to stores to only necessary ones.

I used to love to just get in my car and drive anywhere, everywhere.
Now I have to plan my journeys to minimize my exposure to stimulation and stress.

I used to fight going to sleep.
Now I lie for hours on the couch and pray for the sleep to come so I can get a break from the pain.

My life is no longer what it was.
I'm not sure what it even is any more.

Chronic pain has robbed me of many things.
It will not take away my family, even if I am drugged when we visit.