Wednesday, December 14, 2005


I'm applying for disability. It's amazing how many times I've answered the same questions. No wonder they need so many people there; inefficiency apparently is the rule of thumb.

I woke up again with a familiar pounding in my head. However, I can't just put my life on hold because my head feels like it wants to explode. I have laundry to do, and dishes, and the cats need to have their litter box scooped. We were going to go to the mall today. I'm not sure that's such a good idea. It's too close to Christmas and all that noise might be more than I can handle right now.

I'm not sleeping well. I keep waking up. Restlessness seems to be the theme of the times. I'm not sure if I'm not sleeping because I'm napping so much, or if I'm napping so much because I'm not sleeping.

I don't feel much like going anywhere or doing anything. I don't really have to go anywhere if I don't feel up to it. The post office box will keep the mail dry. The kids can wait till another day to go shopping. I can just sleep and putter around here. I'm just getting so tired of that I could scream.

This brings me to the topic of mood changes. Do the tension and pain combined bring on the grumpiness, or does the grumpiness cause the tension and pain? Chicken-egg...
Or is it a cycle, like most of the rest of things in life?

I don't like who I am very much right now. I'm not pleased to spend most of my days sitting in a half-dark house with the quiet surrounding me...except for that damn ringing in my ears that won't go away. I tried earplugs. They only amplified the ringing. It's downright annoying. It could drive me mad if I weren't so mad at it.

Laundry calls...

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